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A few weeks ago I was asked to be on a panel at a conference on transitioning high school students with disabilities to adult life.
I know, it sounds like a pretty boring topic, but it’s an important one to the families involved and to those of us who work daily to try and help them.
When I was asked to do this I was honored that I was chosen for this and as the time for the panel drew nearer, I began having feelings of panic.
One thing I deal with is severe social anxiety, so doing this would put me in a position I knew would be uncomfortable for me. Being on a panel can be scary for someone who doesn’t face the symptoms of anxiety, so imagine what it’s like for a person who can get panicky having a conversation with just one person
I was going to be sitting in front of a room full of people talking about IEP’s (Individual Education Plan) and who should be in the room when the family and the school hammer out the details for educating an individual.
It might sound like no big deal, but this is the life of a student that we’re talking about and how they will be prepared to handle that life after high school, so to me it’s a huge deal.
Maybe the reason I’m passionate about this subject is that I’m on the autism spectrum and when I was in high school there was no such thing as autism in anyone other than infants. That means there was no such thing as an IEP and special education was only there for those with severe disabilities.
Yeah, that means I’m old, but that doesn’t make it any less important for the kids today who have advantages that I didn’t have, such as the school wanting to help instead of having teachers who called me both stupid and lazy.
That was my reality and to be clear, I’m neither stupid nor lazy.
But, back to the panel and to yesterday.
You might be asking yourself why I would agree to do this, especially knowing how it would make me feel. That would be a valid question and the answer is that I’m passionate about doing whatever I can to help students with special needs, even if it’s by helping their teachers and administrators.
I also knew I had a lot of help in the form of my autism service dog, Tye. Tye helps me in ways you can’t imagine. He can sense my stress level via my blood pressure and heartbeat and even being on a leash, sitting by my side, can comfort me and try and help me relax.
It’s not always possible for him to fully comfort me in the moment, but knowing that he’s there, both physically and emotionally, can help more than you can imagine.
So I sucked it up, did my thing and was told that I did a good job. I have to take other people’s word for it because in my mind I barely said a word in front of that room.
Looking back, I must have said more than a word or two because I got asked several questions and was told after the fact that I answered them in an intelligent manner. Now that I think about it, I was asked more about service dogs than I did about the subject of the panel, which was putting together your IEP Dream Team.
Having finished the panel and holding back a panic attack, I opted to not go to the next session but rather went with Tye back to our hotel room. I knew that the two of us could overcome the panic and after my buddy got me leveled off a bit, I took an hour long nap and when I woke up, felt a whole lot better than I did when we walked into the room.
To the untrained eye, Tye was just doing what a normal pet might do. First he kept jamming his head under my hand, demanding that I pet him. Then when I climbed into bed, he jumped up next to me, pushed up against me and started snoring almost immediately. It’s hard to be stressed when you best friend is snoring right next to you.
To someone who has a service dog or who trains them, Tye did exactly what he needed to do exactly when he needed to do it. It’s hard to be panicky when you’re rubbing your dog’s head and when he’s laying on top of the sheets pressed up against you.
Last night we ate dinner with the person who put the panel together and a couple of people who were there and it dawned on me that Tye was every bit as valuable to that panel as I was. He allowed to do what I needed to do and while I was sitting in front of a room full of people, just stayed at my feet, keeping watch over me and making sure I didn’t get into full freak out mode.
I knew that Tye was important in my life and helps keep me regulated; he doesn’t let me get too high and doesn’t let me get too low. But as we sat there eating and drinking, it occurred to me just how important a part of my life he is to me.
After almost two years in my life, Tye has figured me out, and maybe even better than I’ve figured myself out sometimes.
FYI, that’s Tye at the top of the page, not from the panel but from another time when he was hanging out with me at an event.
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