Let’s be honest: sex is great. What’s not to love? It feels good, it makes you feel closer to your partner, and frankly, there are much worse ways to pass the time. But it’s equally true that sex can also be messy and awkward. Sometimes, it’s downright hilarious, or humiliating. Then there are the times when, the moment it’s over, you find yourself thinking “what the actual F did I just do?”
And that’s OK!
In many ways, sex is the ultimate equalizer. It lays us bare—literally—and we are rarely ever so vulnerable as when we’re about to smash. Which is one of the reasons why so much great writing and comedy has emerged from this deeply human experience. There are countless books, films and stand up specials out there dedicated to the intricacies, etiquette and expectations of getting laid. But the internet says it all better, and more succinctly, and frankly, a damn sight funnier.
Why bother composing a lengthy play-by-play of last night’s adventures in the group chat when you can just copy-and-paste a meme and say “omg it me”?
Below you’ll find an expertly curated collection of insight and observations from some of the dirtiest minds on Twitter and Instagram which sum up exactly how it feels to be horny. Whether it’s just you and Pornhub for the night, or you have finally taken the perfect nude and want to share it with the world, these pearls of wisdom (or should that be pearl necklacesof wisdom?) will speak to your soul. Not to mention your other parts.
When something on Instagram gets you going:
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When it’s just you and your trusty web browser for the night:
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When you’re maaaybe regretting that secret hookup:
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When your crush is wearing those sweatpants…
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When your partner is a sex-positive pro:
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When you plan ahead a little TOO hard:
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When your partner’s not feeling your jokes but you’re gonna keep ’em coming:
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When it’s you guys against the world:
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When regret kicks in:
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When someone has major BDE:
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When PornHub is mildly threatening:
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When she appreciates all parts of you:
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When your late-night text doesn’t get an answer until the next day:
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When desperate times call for desperate measures:
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When there are ~layers~ to your sexual persona:
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When cheese is life:
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When you’re the innocent one in the squad:
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When your 9-5 just isn’t cutting it:
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When you’re too horny to sleep:
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When they call you an adorable nickname for the first time:
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When it turns into something more:
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When you realize some simple things are better than sex, TBH:
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When even the parking lot knows you need to get laid:
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When you’re an intellectual:
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When you come across a surprise on Tinder:
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When you come across ANOTHER surprise on Tinder:
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When you’re really into Detective Pikachu:
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When you experience the galaxy-brain version of post-nut clarity:
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When your ideal dirty talk changes over time:
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When you don’t wait to pull out all the stops:
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When this adult life isn’t what you signed up for:
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When even Adele knows you won’t be down for long:
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When you need to stop and look up:
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When you have another crush that’s going nowhere fast:
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When gender is a construct anyway:
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When shooting your shot is a little scary:
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When you’re worried you might not measure up:
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When angles are everything:
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When some people should just get a room:
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When you’re praying your new relationship doesn’t turn out like the last one:
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When you’ve been watching a lot of Avatar lately:
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When memes are your love language:
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When your needs are very simple:
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When you’re trying to multitask:
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When you might have just found The One:
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