How Many Suckers Will Spend $1,000 on a Crystal-Studded Vibrator for Valentine’s Day?

By | February 10, 2020
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Pure Romance | Katie Buckleitner

With Valentine’s Day coming up ASAP, last-minute shoppers are feelin’ that “what’s the biggest, boldest gift I can get super late in the game to overcompensate and make it seem like I planned way ahead?”-vibe. (And I say that from experience…)

If you know anyone with deep pockets looking to impress a partner, might I suggest this delightfully crazy Swarovski crystal-studded vibrator?

V39 Luxe

Euforia pureromance.com

$ 1,000.00

It’s only $ 1,000.

While we’ve covered expensive vibes in the past (Lelo has not one, but several 24K gold-plated sex toys ranging from $ 3,000-$ 11,000), most of those are entirely plated with gold and feature… zero crystals.

The Euforia V39, however, looks straight out of your 2004-Paris-Hilton-with-a-bedazzled-Sidekick dreams. It’s covered in 425 Swarovski crystals set in matching 18-kt rose gold. The non-blinged out part is covered in premium silicone, and also has something called Caleo™ technology, which heats the toy up to a comfy, cozy 104°F.

Bougieness aside, the internal toy has twelve speeds and pulsing patterns, and is waterproof for up to 30 minutes. That’s nice and all, but it’s seriously a thousand dollars? Then again, I’ve needed a new MacBook for a year and have just been lying to myself like I can *really* use Google Docs on my phone to function, because spending that much at once just feels so… illegal?

At least you can rest assured that you get a good, one-year warranty with that money. And yes, that covers any replacement crystals should they fall off. But, let’s be real, if you’re the type of person to buy a $ 1,000 blinged-out vibrator, you probably DGAF.

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