Take my hand and travel back in time with me to March of 2020. (Or maybe April. Time has no meaning anymore. It’s 10:56 a.m. and I’m still in my pajamas and contemplating eating a bowl of pasta.) The COVID-19 pandemic had recently ushered in daunting new protocols for everyday life, including the mandate to stay the f*** home and flatten the curve. We’d entered an era of extreme social isolation, and there was no end in sight. (BTW, there still isn’t, so please get over your weird insecurities and wear a mask. THANKS!)
Determined to find joy in an otherwise depressing new normal, the Men’s Health team had an idea: What if we helped socially-isolated singles find love over video chat? The result was “Lockdown Hookup,” the three-part quarantine dating experiment you’re about to watch.
Men’s Health
Here’s how it works: One eligible bachelor goes on three virtual “mini-dates”—the catch is, he can’t see their faces. From there, he narrows it down to two finalists, has a full-length, un-masked date with each of them, and ultimately picks a winner. And by “winner,” we mean “person to provide virtual companionship until it’s safe to meet up and do sexy things with strangers again.” (To make the experience of video-chatting strangers more relaxed and romantic, the PURE Winery generously sent a few bottles of their tasty zero-sugar wine to our daters.)
The biggest thing to know about our bachelor, Kwame, is that he’s busy. Like, I’m-legitimately-concerned-about-his-brain-exploding busy. He’s a business development manager for a health care startup, is finishing his second master’s degree, owns two businesses, is a model (casual!!!!), and works out twice a day. Also, he did pushups on The Ellen Show. Unsurprisingly, it’s been hard for him to find a partner whose schedule lines up with his. He’s looking for a woman who’s passionate, smart, beautiful, funny, adventurous, and wants to make the world a better place.
Without further ado, it’s time to meet Kwame and his three potential quarantine baes, Crystal, Hayley, and Kehinde:
Aren’t they lovely? Huge props to everyone for bringing smiles and positivity to a dating experiment at the end of the world.
Now it’s time to watch the three mini-dates. Please note, the women got to choose which Animoji they used on their faces. In other words, yes: Hayley actively decided to meet Kwame as a giant, smiling poop. Will Kwame appreciate the improv performer’s wacky sense of humor? Let us find out together!
And the answer is…no! Sorry, Hayley, but thank you so much for putting on pants.
Out of curiosity, how would you answer the question Kwame asked Crystal on their mini-date:
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The correct answer, in my humble sex editor position, is that it’s easier to deal with a bad kisser. You can subtly correct someone’s bad kissing skills by showing them how it’s done, but you can’t subtly correct someone’s nasty breath.
But back to why we’re all here: our dear pal Kwame finding love. Next up, let’s watch as he and the two remaining ladies pop the corks on their PURE wine and get to know each other better. At the end of the video, Kwame will pick his winner!
Sorry, Crystal. We know you’re a little bummed, but at least you’ll never have to stress about the wrinkly pieces of paper tacked unceremoniously to Kwame’s otherwise bare bedroom wall.
In better news…
CONGRATS KWAME AND KEHINDE!!! PLEASE SEND US PICS OF YOUR HELICOPTER DATE SOMEDAY!!!!!!
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